Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
