At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i dont even know how to be here
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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