I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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