Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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