this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
