This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
