Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
