Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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