In the future we'll all be gay
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
