We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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