sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
