Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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