Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if only i could text you this smell
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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