the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
