i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize