As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
