I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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