I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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