using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
