ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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