Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone shattered a urinal.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
