We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
