thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
