Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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