Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
