I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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