we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
