Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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