I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize