I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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