dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize