My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize