im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
