Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
