this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
