I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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