Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
