I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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