Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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