If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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