I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
