so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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