Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Shame - the story of my life.
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