i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
