She said her name was "party"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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