just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
