I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
