There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
