Just mADE A PArabola og urine
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize