The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
