She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize