My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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