i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
