Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize