I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I cut my penus on the lid.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
