I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
