I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
