I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
