i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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