Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
