Soap is not a condiment
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
