she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
