i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
