How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
