yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
