Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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