apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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