you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
