ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
