her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
