I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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