Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
