I wish I could punch you in the face.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
