He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize