You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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