i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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