she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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