just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think your dad took our porno
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you never un-have a 4some
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
