I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
