I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
