I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did I show you my penis last night?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize