He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
