Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The best revenge is premature balding
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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