did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
