so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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