and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
