all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Floor bacon is actually really good
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize