Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
