What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
