So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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