There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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