Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
