Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
