i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
