Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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