Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
