At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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