That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
