She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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