my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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