Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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